What do a mortified half-naked couple, DNA tests, the Baby Box and the Ritz Carlton have in common? Stick around and find out in this altogether serious and simultaneously hilarious diatribe of my everyday life. Who needs Netflix when you’ve got this conglomeration of merriment?
Adoptees face challenges in life that many people who are not adopted are unaware of. One of those is navigating our medical history. It is customary for patients to complete a plethora of forms every time they go to the doctor, a majority of it being a request for medical history. For the first twenty-seven years of my life, I had to write, “I have no idea. I’m adopted” at the top of my family medical history forms. With a whistful look, my doctors would usually say things like,”Well, that’s okay…we’ll just do the best we can.” What else could they say?
When I was in my thirties, one of my doctors suggested taking some DNA-related tests to check for things like the BRCA gene. For some peace of mind, I agreed to do it and swallowed hard when I realized that the testing would be approximately $2,000 for all of the tests combined although they still didn’t cover everything genetically. We really didn’t have a few thousand dollars to spend on DNA testing to find out what might run in my family that I didn’t know about, but I was so desperate for insight on these issues that I went ahead with the tests.
I took the tests and was relieved that nothing alarming was discovered. Nevertheless, I suffered health anxiety over the years, with all the unknowns. A few years ago, the book, Overcoming Health Anxiety: Letting Go of Your Fear of Illness by Katherine Owens and Martin M. Antony, helped me work through some of my fears and things got better.
I have had conversations with people who are ignorant about adoptee life who claim that dealing with unknown medical history is not an issue for adoptees because a biological mother discloses all the medical history before she relinquishes her child for adoption. With this, the adoptee can know what to be mindful of, concerning hereditary health conditions. Here’s a question for you: How many health problems did you have at 16? At 18? At 20? Even at 25? I had almost none. The majority of people seem to do alright with their health until middle age hits them. Mid-life tends to hit you like a ton of bricks health-wise, especially if you aren’t in shape. So, it does almost no good for a mother to disclose her current information when she relinquishes a child because she probably has few health issues. My mother had absolutely no health issues to speak of when she gave birth to me. Additionally, both of her parents were still alive and neither had the diseases that took their lives, at the time of my birth and relinquishment. So, there was no reporting of any of that, in my file.
I was totally in the dark about my maternal health history until I reunited with my biological mother at 27 years old. Thankfully, I am able to finally learn the paternal side of my health history since I met Gus, my biological father, in May of 2022. He passed away in December. I’m still figuring out the medical things I need to be mindful of.
For a while now, I have had some symptoms that were worrisome. I needed to make an appointment with my primary doctor but for the previous seven months I had been consumed with Gus — first meeting him, then working on bringing him home, and then being his caregiver. I don’t regret that I was solely focused on him, AT ALL. So, once I had a moment to do so, I made a doctor’s appointment to talk to her about my symptoms. The first thing she said is that all of it could be caused by stress. But, she also agreed that a few of the symptoms happened to be ones that are associated with the cancer that killed my mother, and also her father. (liver and bile duct cancer.) I was trying not to freak out. One of the symptoms is that I have been hurting on my right-hand side under my rib cage and at times it hurts in the same area on my back. I have been pursuing answers on this particular symptom for the last few years, and after blood work and ultrasounds, the results were inconclusive. I couldn’t imagine it was all from stress. There had to be something more.
Back in January, with my symptoms worsening, my primary care doctor agreed this was troublesome and said, “Let’s do a CAT Scan and investigate what’s happening on a deeper level.” I was hoping the CAT Scan could get to the bottom of not only my more recent symptoms but also the pain on my right side that has been there for so long.
We scheduled the test with the radiologist and the most stressful thing for me in the moment was that I only had ONE DAY out of the whole month open to do the CAT Scan. After literally banging my fist on the steering wheel on my way out of the doctor’s office parking lot, saying,”WHY DO I ALLOW MYSELF TO GET SO OVERSCHEDULED WITH NO MARGIN?!!” I decided my calendar needed an intervention. This is a whole ‘nother subject for another post.
I accepted that the test would have to be on the one morning of the one and only day of the month that I had open. Unfortunately, it was the morning after AG Trust board meetings in Miami. I am on the board of AG trust and there are meetings we have that are customarily held at the Ritz Carlton in whatever city we are meeting in. I was super bummed that instead of staying the whole time, I’d have to leave a bit early after a late dinner on the final evening, get home in the middle of the night, and wake up at the crack of dawn to take the test. But, it was what I needed to do for my health.
Larry is not a board member but usually accompanies me to the meetings so we can enjoy the room and the travel together. We headed to Miami, arrived at the Ritz and received our room keys from the front desk. We went upstairs to our room and Larry slid the room key through the slot and I pushed the door open, only to find a man standing literally two feet in front of me in his underwear! Yes, that was ALL the man had on, was a pair of underwear, and little tight ones at that. You just can’t un-see some things, unfortunately. (Sigh.)The man shouted and went to slam the door shut while his girlfriend or wife who was also half naked on the bed, screamed over this unfolding debacle. Yes. I. Am. Serious.
Larry and I were disconcerted to say the least. It’s funny now, but it was awful in the moment. (Does this qualify as trauma?)
After profusely apologizing and explaining through the closed door that we were given a key to the same room by accident, we went back downstairs while I discreetly told the employee at the front desk what had happened. He was mortified. “We’re going to make this up to you…” he said. And wow, did they ever! After getting our new room keys and heading back upstairs, we opened the door of our newly-assigned palatial suite with two large balconies, a living room and dining room, a bedroom and bath that was absolutely exquisite. It was over-the-top. We could have had 100 friends over for a party, but we were super glad to have it to ourselves! I was proverbially kicking myself that we could only stay one night. I thought of cancelling my test, but the symptoms were getting worse, and again — I only had ONE DAY available to take the test. Soon, a scrumptious fruit and beverage basket arrived at our room in another attempt to make up for the colossal error at the front desk. I’m sure they made it up to the half-naked and screaming couple, as well. Hopefully they got a Penthouse suite and room service for free, for what they endured by us raining on their semi-private parade.
The next evening after a delicious dinner and conversation with friends in Miami, we got on the road and headed back to Tampa. We pulled in the driveway at 2 in the morning. I was utterly exhausted, having gotten only got four hours of sleep before I had to wake up and commence drinking the two huge bottles of chalk-like liquid in preparation for the CAT Scan. Upon drinking the disgusting concoction, I ran my bathwater, easing down into the tub to soak a bit before I had to get out and get dressed to head over to take the test. At 7:30 AM, my cell phone rang while I was still in the tub and I wondered who it could be at that hour. The caller I.D. said, “Florida Medical Clinic Radiology.” My heart sunk. What was happening?! I answered and a young man said, “Mrs. Shrodes, this is Duane from Florida Medical Clinic Radiology and I’m calling to let you know all of our systems are down and you will not be able to come in for your test today.”
“WHAT?! “Are you serious right now? I just left an amazing suite at the Ritz Carlton in Miami when I didn’t have to!! I drove half the night to get back to Tampa! I just drank the containers of the disgusting brew for this test and now you’re telling me I can’t come take the test? Do you realize this is the ONE DAY, the ONLY day I had this month to do this?! I don’t have another day to take this test! This is just unacceptable!”
Duane copiously apologized, saying that he knew how frustrating this was, but there was no way around it.
I got out of the tub, dried off, and proceeded to do something to feel in control. I Googled “Florida Medical Clinic CEO” and commenced emailing Joe Delatorre, the CEO of Florida Medical Clinic and told him how upset I was. One of my young adult children said, “Mom…did you seriously just do that? It’s a little crazy, Mom. You can be extra sometimes…”
I don’t know.
It is crazy?
Am I that “extra”?
Isn’t it a little EXTRA to have to drink two bottles of chalk for nothing?!!!
Why am I the one who is labeled extra when I just had to needlessly drink TWO (count ’em TWO) bottles of chalk? Clearly this is mislabeling of outrageous proportions.
Larry said, “What good to you think emailing the CEO will do, Deanna?”
“Well, I’m just doing Matthew 18.”
“Matthew 18? How do you get Matthew 18 out of this?” he said.
“You know, if you have a problem go directly to the person you have a problem with. Right now that person is Joe Delatorre. He runs the company, so the buck stops with him. His computers are down and he needs to take responsibility for this catastrophe, and get his I.T. Department in order before any more people have to needlessly drink bottles of chalk and have even less margin in their lives.”
“Ummmm…I’m not sure this is a Matthew 18” thing Larry said.
“Well, it’s my current interpretation of Matthew 18.”
I wrote to Joe and told him this was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
I was impressed because he wrote me back immediately. He was apologetic and not condescending in the least, and said he would connect me with his director to get my appointment rescheduled asap. His gracious response won my confidence back. I am still a FMC fan, just as I was before this calamity took place.
I drove over to FMC Radiology the same day all of this happened to talk to Duane in person and apologize for my reaction on the phone. I believed my response to his phone call was a little extra and warranted an apology. He was understanding.
So, Joe the CEO came through for me and quickly responded to reschedule my appointment for the test. The day it was done, I asked for a disk of my scan, and met up with Pastor Linda for lunch and handed it over to her. She went home and passed it to her husband, Dr. Don, who is a radiologist (actually vice chair of radiology) at Moffett Cancer Center. He read the scan for me that day so I wouldn’t have to wait for my doctor’s results which would have taken several more days and created more anxiety. I didn’t ask Dr. Don for this favor, by the way. I’m not that extra. Pastor Linda graciously voluntold him for the ministry of early Cat Scan readings.
When Dr. Don called, he was emotional, which he is usually not. Pastor Linda attributed this to the fact that I mean a lot to him. The feeling is mutual. He was relieved to tell me that I do not have cancer. I am going to be just fine. But he did inform me of something I had no idea of until this scan was taken. And if I didn’t have a CAT Scan, we may have never found this out, since it’s been going on for YEARS and nobody has found it until now. “You have kidney stones in your right kidney,” he said.
Mystery solved! This is what has what has been causing my pain, for a long time. My doctor called a few days later with that same report and said, “We want to get you in with a urologist, to take care of those stones.”
This explains why I wake up several times a night to pee. And, why I had my assistant and friend, Judi, check my blood sugar a few times at work, convinced that I might be peeing all these times because of diabetes, which I also do not have.This is what happens when you try to medically diagnose yourself, having no idea of your family history. It’s like you are on a hike without a compass. At times you just go around in circles, trying to find your way.
It all makes sense now. In serving as Gus’s primary caregiver, I discovered he had kidney issues. He had been on kidney medication for quite a while. And, when I was cleaning out some of his things, I found a bottle of old medication for his kidneys from as far back as the early 2000s. Although I have known this information the last few months, I have had so much on my plate and been so exhausted, I simply hadn’t put two and two together yet to make the connection. Had I been aware of the kidney issues in my paternal line a few years ago, I would have already asked them to check my kidneys.
This is another way that being unaware of my genetic heritage affected me. And, it’s one more reason why I have issues with everything from states that still have sealed records, to the “Baby Box.” The Baby Box is for pregnant women who want to relinquish their babies in anonymity. They can do so, by leaving them in the box and walking away. One of the slogans at the Baby Box website is, “Anonymity Matters.” Yes, it does. It matters a lot. For those of us who have had to live through it, it has mattered a lot and not in a good way. It brings unnecessary anguish.
It is not a good thing for people to be in the dark about their family history. They needlessly suffer. And those who think it’s no big deal, have undoubtedly always known their history.
So many issues of life cannot be wrapped up nice and neat with a little bow.
Life can be complicated!
Many Christians see the Baby Box and think nothing but joyful thoughts. Being an adoptee in a closed domestic adoption, I think of pain. It is the anguish I went through for 56 years until May 11, 2022 when I finally knew the truth of my origins and so much more. I also think of the pain in my right side which will hopefully soon be gone.
You can technically spare someone’s life (by putting them in a baby box) and yet still leave them in a lot of pain. And the thing is, it is unnecessary pain. It doesn’t have to be this way. We shouldn’t ever let it be, on purpose. There’s a better way. We do not have to leave people in the dark about who and where they come from. That should never, ever happen on purpose or be encouraged.
We should not inspire or encourage women to drop their babies off in a box and scurry away. Quite frankly, that is barbaric. Some will say, “Well, it’s not as barbaric as an abortion.” Why do we need anything barbaric? We must to encourage people to do the right thing all the way around. And the right thing is definitely not to encourage women to run and hide from what they perceive as their problems.
For those who think there are only two choices:
2) A baby box
I have five words:
Your God is too small.
God is so much bigger than two alternatives.
We should be, too.
I am a 69 year old pro choice adoptee. I have never met either of my birth parents and I have lived my life from an attitude of acceptance. I have been extremely healthy. I am a retired NICU nurse and had a really hard time about the box idea at first. If we save one baby ever, it is worth it. I believe that someone that is willing to relinquish a child for adoption in an open way will. But if even one person makes this choice to bring a a baby to safe place where immediate care will be provided, that is a huge win. Let’s just be supportive in any way that we can. I do not believe that the box encourages someone to relinquish their child in this way, it offers a choice to a lost, scared women who is on the run.
Hi Lisa, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Blessings, Deanna
There is another way: tell the lost, scared mother to woman up and raise your child. Tell her to accept the responsibility and to do what is necessary to build a life for herself and her child. I did and I’m nothing special: unattractive but hard-working and resourceful. If I could accomplish this, any woman can. Tell that mother to keep her baby.
Marcia, I am glad you were able to do this for yourself and for your child. Unfortunately others are not so strong. We cannot expect women to do this all for themselves. Some see no way out. There may be mental issues involved as well. We need to provide more resources for the poor, the marginalized, the broken and hurting. it does not work simply to tell anyone (woman or man) to “woman up” and let it go at that. The systemic issues that cause a woman to resort to putting her baby in a box must be addressed.
I’m not trying to break down anyone’s wish to be self-reliant. (Sigh)
Ohh Marcia – I have never seen this anywhere. Hellelujah for your insight. If only that were the go-to the status quo of mother and child would be retained and innocent new lives would not be altered irrevocably.
For the mothers who fight an unwinnable battle with parents, authority and society undermining any and all efforts to parent, this would be all that is needed – a complete change of attitude.
For those who play with fire and get swayed to think they can walk away unburned (is this ever the case – really?) there would be no option portrayed as an easy out.
Most definitely a Win – Win for all concerned.
Thank you for your eloquent way of stating the obvious.
Are you serious? I truly hope this is sarcasm. What she said is truly obvious — obviously lacking compassion for women who are living in desperation and need resources.
Yes I am serious and was affirming what Marcia had said – I once was a woman without resources who lost her child so please don’t shame me. I have compassion in spades.
Unfortunately, your “lacking compassion” is a common response to anyone who encourages and empowers us to take destiny into our own hands. You may mean well but I don’t think you give other women enough credit. Breaking down a pregnant woman’s wish to be self-reliant and responsible is not doing that woman, or her child, any favors.
I didn’t intend to offend you or shame you by my comment and I’m sorry you lost a child..
Bev- your vulnerability in your response to Marcia’s post is so enlightening to me. I haven’t before considered the points that the both of you are sharing. Thank you.
Thank you for your post! To often we women are treated as victims. As you said, a change of attitude is the first step in overcoming that stereotype.
Marcia/- I have never heard this perspective from a birth mother in my 10 years in this community as a DNA search angel. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for posting this Deanna. I’ve linked it twice on my Stop Safe Haven Baby Boxes Now website under “Critical Readings (quotes and blogs). https://stopshbbnow.org/
There is definitely pro-life opposition to SBB, but they are pretty much ignored just as adoptees are ignored both in discourse and legislation. The pro-lifers brook no discussion and ignore facts. Ask a serious question and you’ll be blocked. Ask them to prove their claims and they can’t. “We just know,” is their response.
The truth is that there is absolutely no evidence that any baby’s life has “been “saved.” I”ve been called “mentally deficient” and a pedophile by a prominent “pro-lifer “and “purity educator”for opposing boxes, which is a real hoot considering that she, who is the SHBB hotline counselor, is on public record calling women who have sex with more than one man a “chewed gum” and an “old shoe”
Currently, in Indiana there is a bill (SB345) to “improve” the SH/SHBB law by allowing locations where babies are dropped off to by-pass reporting the incident to DCS and send the baby directly to an adoption agency (Nothing in the bill describes how that’s done), taking the baby entirely out of the system. (Ex: A baby is left in a box at a Ft Wayne fire station, and Fireman Bob just calls his cousin who works at Cheap Adoptions 4U who drives over and picks up the baby and gives it to a client.) there apparently is no record of the birth or drop-off. It’s a miracle!
Obviously, this sets up the potential for trafficking. And, when the baby does go to court to be adopted the judge is not allowed to ask how the baby ended up there available for adoption!
That’s a simplified version, but you get the idea.
Lawmakers have absolutely refused to take any adoptee input into this. We are cranks and crackpots, and ungrateful, I guess. I believe most are well-intentioned and haven’t a clue as to what they are doing and the harm they will cause. And, of course, it saves the state money,.
Thanks for weighing in, Marley. It is unfathomable that these things are happening. No record of birth? No record of drop off? They fail to realize how all these unknowns are going to affect the adoptee in the future, and unfortunately in many adoptive homes this will not be recognized as trauma and treated as such. And you are right, once again, the adoptee is not only the last voice they turn to…they don’t even turn to us AT ALL and we ARE the experts on adoption. We are the ones who are actually adopted, who have lived it.
“They” know. “They” don’t care. What “they” want is more important than the mind of a child.
I was expecting a message that we as a society should not allow people to fall into such desperation that they feel the only option is to abandon their baby. I was expecting a call to support the poor and marginalized so that people who want their babies aren’t forced to give them up. But the only message here seems to be that closed adoptions cause harm (which is obviously true, but there’s nothing specific to baby boxes or Christianity here). All you’re saying is that family separation causes severe, lifelong consequences to the abandoned child. Which is also obviously true. Sharing the agonies you’ve been through highlights the extent that closed adoption harms the adoptee, but then I’m confused as to why the article is titled the way it is. You’re saying essentially that anyone who assumes death or a baby box are the only options is a fool, but what exactly do you think the other options are in the current system? Other than the fact that you used a Bible quote to solve a personal problem in your own life, what is even Christian about this article?
I’m sorry that this blog post failed to provide what you were expecting. It’s evident that you are not familiar with my views, writing, or life in any larger context than this singular post. I’m all about supporting the poor and marginalized and have done so in many ways over the years and continue to. I am a supporter of family preservation and not just from afar — up close and personal. People who have followed my writing for years are aware of all the ways I’ve championed that and lived it out in my own home. This one post simply wasn’t the focus of that, and again, I’m sorry it failed to meet your expectations.
Our current system is a big part of the problem. We shouldn’t just accept the current system and strive to “work within it.” We need to demand it change.
As you mention, many people are in desperation due to systemic issues. These must be addresssed. On this I’m sure we would agree.
I focused on the adoptee view and not only the family separation but the secrets, unknowns, and lies which cause harm. My focus is as such because rarely are adoptees (the real experts on adoption, having lived it) given a voice. Most of the time, a voice and priority are given first to adoptive parents, then to bio mothers, and adoptees usually aren’t even called on third to weigh in, they are just ignored because we are viewed as perpetual children. Almost no one considers how an adoptee is affected by the baby box, or any other adoption issues.
My writing is adoptee centric, and you can find another extensive body of my writing on adoptee issues/adoption at http://www.adopteerestoration.com which goes into the issues in a much broader context.
One of the things that would not be terribly difficult to change but that the church at large (evangelical, Catholic, etc.) fails to do is to stop fighting the abolishing of sealed records. Anytime this comes up in legislation, they are there to fight back on it. I’m embarrassed that the church behaves this way. It’s one reason why I have heard literally hundreds of adoptees (that I personally know) say they want nothing to do with the church. The church could just stop fighting the changing of these laws, and one thing about the institution of adoption would change real quick.
Dr. Deanna Shrodes, thank you for sharing this perspective. I too am adamant about the rights of adoptees to know the identity of their biological parents. As a birthmother I feel hurt when voices of adoptive parents and the catholic church claim to speak for me when asserting that closed birth records are to protect our privacy. I have been active in the family preservation movement for years and have never heard a wish for closed records or sealed identity by another birthmother. My sense is it’s more to protect adoptive parents and the catholic church.
You are exactly right, Christine. The sealed records were never to protect the birthmother. It was to protect the adoptive parents and the church. And those two entities are the ones who are the holdouts on getting sealed records overturned. I am so sorry for your loss and pain. We have a long way to go, but we can get there.
i found your post interesting. i am a birth mom. i respectfully disagree about the safe haven boxes. but i see your point.
Welcome, Robin. It’s perfectly fine to respectfully disagree here. Thank you for weighing in.
Addition to my reply – if using hellelujah offended you and this is why your reply was so aggressive I apologise, I am not a churchgoer nor do I know the ins and outs of religion, this was simply stated a rejoice in a change in the perceptions of the world at large with regards to separation of mother and child being perceived as somewhat normal. If parenting was the accepted norm for every pregnancy to end with, then there would be support to parent no matter the circumstances – whether this be financial, material or emotional. If the funding that goes to the not so noble institute of adoption went to parenting there would be a lot of whole humans which isn’t the case at the moment all thanks to the smoke and mirrors that makes mothers think they are not enough in some way shape or form or worse still that staying with the family of origin is an evil worse than death so separation must be made easy. I actually think this fits in with your closing paragraph ‘And the right thing is definitely not to encourage women to run and hide from what they perceive as their problems.’ Thank you – Bev
Your use of Hallelujah didn’t offend me at all. I agree with you on what you are saying here. And I admire you and the original poster for what you’ve done. My heart just breaks for the women that don’t see a way out and don’t have the resources and could use some from people like me (and others) who have a little more to give. And I wish we all would, instead of listing all the reasons why they just need to do it themselves.
Deanna’s post was intended as a personal example to show by example a larger problem. There will always be someone who ‘never had health problems’ … as if that justifies an entire swath of a population being legally denied their birth certificate and in due course denied the ability to find out their health history!
Deanna does not have a ‘minimal number of Bible references’ needed to prove she has Christian bonafides. Don’t look at her PhD or that she has pastored for decades (!) … look at the life she chooses every day to live in the modeling of Jesus.
Merely mentioning that her Christian-ness is suspect is laughable and says more about the commenter than the blog poster.
Here, I’ll say it: Baby Boxes are child abuse and mother-abuse. They cause life-long trauma and should be outlawed. We need laws where mothers know they will be supported and protected to get help for themselves and their baby, not continue a cycle of shame and secrecy, which is exactly what Baby Boxes do.
Thanks for this. <3 You're so right...Baby Boxes keep us in a cycle of shame and secrecy. Mothers and babies must be supported and protected, as a unit - together.
Deanna, I loved this blog and I appreciate your candor in writing it.
In my opinion (as an adoptee and someone who works in law), baby boxes are being used as a loophole for a mother (and father if he is part of the decision) to thwart the custody laws that everybody else must abide by. Anyone else who does not utilize a baby box must do one of the following: 1. Give the physical custody of the child to the other parent or a relative; 2. Turn the child over to social services or 3. relinquish their legal rights in front of an attorney, social worker or judge.
Baby boxes sidestep accountability and cause undue suffering to a child who gets dropped off as if they are a Goodwill donation without an identity, medical history or ancestral information. Father’s rights (and the paternal family) especially are not being considered because nobody will be DNA testing to determine who the father is.
What happens if the mother regrets dropping the child off four weeks or four months later? If would likely be too late for her to get the support she needed to work toward reunification. Had the baby been removed out of the hospital, for example, the mother would go through the regular court procedure and be given time to bond, visit, take parenting classes, go to treatment or do whatever she needed to do to parent.
Unfortunately, the laws reflect what we value as a society.
Lynn, you are spot on, with all of this. These are issues those who are thinking purely emotionally do not consider.
Adoption is a pretense that separates babies from their mothers and places them with strangers so that the babies are “as if” born to the adopters and not the natural parents. Babies aren’t blank slates that adopters can mold into what they want them to be. Adoption causes a child to not only lose their family but their heritage and history. Adoption makes a child grow up in a household of strangers who don’t look like that child or share his or her characteristics. True, there is open adoption now but even open adoption has a lot of deception and secrecy to it. Most open adoptions become closed at some point when the adopters no longer feel like sharing the child with the natural parents. All adoption starts with loss and trauma and continues throughout the lifespan of both mother and baby. Infant adoption should be outlawed in my opinion. I’m sure the NICU nurse who commented will disagree with me as she seems to favor the Baby Box and I see her point if the only alternative to that particular mother’s situation is abortion. Abortion should not be an alternative. At the same time, babies need their mothers and mothers need their babies. Adoption will only lead the two on separate paths of lifelong grief and unresolved issues. Those who might encourage a Baby Box just don’t get it. They don’t get that adoption can have devastating lifelong effects on the lives of both the baby who is relinquished and the mother. As a society, we need to start looking at ways we can help keep mother and baby together rather than supporting a multi billion dollar industry that is really more about profits while deceiving young, distraught, single mothers with the ruse of adoption.
Thank you, Deanna for this hilarious but practical illustration of why we should all back the rights of adoptees to have ALL of their information!! So glad you have answers to your recent health concerns and that it all adds up since you KNIW Gus had kidney issues, too!!
Thank you, Deanna for this hilarious but practical illustration of why we should all back the rights of adoptees to have ALL of their information!! So glad you have answers to your recent health concerns and that it all adds up since you KNOW Gus had kidney issues, too!!
Thank you for writing this. The community of adoption reform activists and open records advocates sure do need voices like yours who will talk about the underside of adoption, how it has become an industry, the effect on the infant/toddler brain first from not being able to find their mother this side of the womb then living with the shame about ourselves before adoption. It’s not like those of us born in the USA were escaping war torn countries where records and birth certificates were lost and left. We are born in America citizens who deserve the right to know the truth about our own first chapter. Strangers can have and had access to our birth records but the one who they are about is legally not allowed in all but 12 states to see and some of those 12 are not the equal open access the non adopted citizen has. And baby boxes are cruel. The lies about a human beings identity must stop. Only the TRUTH sets free. I am convinced if we change the adoption process by taking the lies out of the process and put the goal of keeping mother and baby together a higher priority than the infertile couples desire to parent, within 4 generations we could change the matrix we are in, and there would be less of a need if any need for “baby boxes”. An infant/toddler brain is the country’s most valuable resource to insure a better future. Relinquishment is a traumatic experience.