For most of my life, I’ve gotten high on work. I used to plan events like a woman running a relay with no baton, white-knuckling the very thing I’d begged God to bless. If something was off, I felt it in my spine. If a volunteer missed a beat, I replayed it while worship was happening right in front of me. Excellence mattered (and still does), but I was wound so tight I rarely enjoyed the work.
Somewhere along the way the Holy Spirit whispered and re-ordered me: “I didn’t call you to build miserable excellence.”
Scripture agrees that to find satisfaction in our toil is God’s gift (Ecclesiastes 3:13) and the joy of the Lord is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10).
Joy isn’t an afterthought. It’s part of the assignment.
When Excellence Turns into Anxiety
I knew I’d crossed a line when I couldn’t receive a compliment without cataloging what went wrong… when details felt more important than God-moments… when I mistook control for stewardship.
Sometimes the best thing at an event is a mistake. In my first year as Director of PF Women, during the opening service of my first Thrive Conference, I made a very noticeable mistake. Our district treasurer, Pastor Wayne Blackburn, was up next for the offering. As I stepped offstage he smiled and said, “Now that your first mistake is out of the way, you can relax for the rest of the evening.” It wasn’t a put-down. It was permission to breathe. He was right, and I did.
Excellence is biblical (Colossians 3:23), but excellence without joy isn’t Kingdom excellence, it’s performance. And it makes us tight and timid, which is absolutely no fun. It makes your heart race and your hands turn clammy, and all sorts of crazy thoughts run through your head. It’s no way to live, and I did it for far too long.
What God taught me about enjoying the work
For years I lived for the moment an event was over, counting down the days, telling myself, “This time next week you won’t have to worry about this.” I was actually living for things to be over…perpetually waiting to get on the other side of something. One day I realized that this wasn’t a fulfilling life. I know leadership isn’t all wine and roses (and especially in the Assemblies of God, it isn’t wine…) but God didn’t intend for us to live without enjoying our work. Joy isn’t a trophy handed out at the end. I realized that I had hopped on a stressful performance oriented merry-go-round, and it was up to me to hop back off and to choose joy during the process.
I also reframed what was happening: this is what I prayed and prepared for. When an event unfolds, when I watch spiritual transformation right in front of me, God has allowed me not only to take part, but to lead. That awareness helps me savor the moment instead of sprint through it. God has graced me with the assignment of leading! What an honor.
I’ve adopted a simple practice. Whenever a photo is taken, especially with our team or a group, I quietly tell myself: “I will never pass this way again. Be here. Appreciate this.” It’s my cue to breathe, notice faces, and thank God. It turns a pose into worship.
One day these will only be memories. I want to be able to say that I didn’t just execute them…I enjoyed them while I lived them.
Surrender is a strategy.
I still plan meticulously, but I release outcomes. My new metric of success is obedience + presence. The goal isn’t flawless execution. One of the new things I’m trying in this season is to write three things I can’t control and physically rip up the paper and throw it away. It’s my personal act of surrender.
People over perfection
When anxiety spikes and people start to feel like interruptions instead of assignments, that’s my dashboard light and I realize that I’m wound too tight and something needs to shift.
When I began enjoying people again…their faces, tears, and laughter, I began enjoying the work again. Jesus didn’t die for flawless productions! He died for people.
My reset is a simple one. I repent for the irritability, then choose one person to quietly notice and thank God for what He’s doing in them. And I don’t wait until the event is over…I encourage them right then. That one act recenters my heart and puts excellence back in its proper place.
Rest is part of excellence
Fatigue used to lie to me: “You can’t pause. If you stop, everything will fall apart.” What a lie. Rest has made me kinder, sharper, and more Spirit-led.
I don’t give the lie that “everything will fall apart if I rest” any room in my life or my leadership paradigm anymore. I will take a mid-day nap without shame. After an event, I follow a non-negotiable recovery rhythm. After the most recent Thrive Conference was over, I slept 12 hours the first night. For the next day or two, I did nothing but sleep, waking briefly to eat and then go right back to sleep. During the week following a big event, I deliberately move slower and refuse to hustle. That time will come, but right after the event is not the time.
Rest isn’t laziness; it’s leadership. A rested heart hears God more clearly, loves people more patiently, and makes better decisions. For me, honoring rest is part of honoring God, and it’s part of how I pursue excellence.
The Martha–Mary Reset
Martha wasn’t wrong to work; she was wrong to work without worship. I still love a well executed event. I still chase excellence. I just refuse to trade joy to get it.
I often remind myself that I have worked long and hard to get to the place where I’m at. Now, by God’s grace, I’m actually enjoying it—with open hands, a lighter heart, and the same commitment to excellence. If you’ve been white-knuckling your calling, maybe it’s time to loosen your grip and receive the gift God always intended your work to be.
These are some questions for you today…
Where do you most lose your joy while serving? Is it in planning, live moments, or the debriefing time? Why do you think that is?
What outcome are you gripping that you could turn into a surrendered prayer?
What would it look like to notice God in real time during your next event instead of seeing Him only in retrospect?
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